Holland...

No, this is not in Holland- Bryan & I went to Steamboat last weekend for a "babymoon" and I thought I'd share a picture of my "bump". I am currently 25 weeks pregnant & have 15 to go. Although, I will probably be scheduled for an induction a week early depending on how Ellery/I am doing.

I found this poem on another families blog that have a baby with CDH and I thought it kind of describes how I am feeling:

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising

a child with a disability--to try to help people who

have not shared that unique experience to understand

it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning

a fabulous vacation trip--to Italy. You buy a bunch

of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The

Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in

Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.

It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally

arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several

hours later, the plane lands, the stewardess comes in

and says "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I

signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy.

All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've

landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to

a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of

pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different

place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you

must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a

whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than

Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been

there for a while and you catch your breath, you look

around, and you begin to notice that Holland has

windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has

Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from

Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful

time they had there. And for the rest of your life,

you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go.

That's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever, ever go away,

because the loss of that dream is a very significant

loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you

didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy

the very special, the very lovely things about

Holland.

written by Emily Perl Kingsley

Too bad I am not really just going to Holland though...

In other news, I have another ultrasound- this time with my new team- this week at University hospital. I will also be meeting again with my high risk OBGYN who will be delivering Ellery. Then on the 8th I will have the MRI and the Heart Echo of the baby. I will then meet again with the neonatologist at Children's Hospital. Please pray for Ellery to have a healthy normal heart and to have lung growth. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers.

4 weeks later...

It has been four weeks since Ellery's CDH diagnosis and I'm hoping the rest of the pregnancy goes as fast as these past four weeks. Nothing really is happening- just a lot of waiting for appointments, etc. In 2 weeks I will have an ultrasound and meeting with the OB/GYN that will be delivering Ellery down at Children's hospital. Then the following week I will have the MRI and the fetal heart echo- which I guess is just a really long ultrasound where they focus on the heart and try to see that everything looks normal. We are praying for those tests to come back normal and for more lung growth.

I have been okay, sometimes the facts will hit me and it becomes a little overwhelming. The past few nights haven't been any help either. I keep having dreams about meetings with Doctors and tests that are being done on me and Ellery's CDH and when I wake up I feel relieved that it was just a dream, only to realize that this is really my reality.

I just stumbled upon this talk tonight by Richard G. Scott about The Sustaining Power of Faith and thought it was just what I needed to hear. I really liked this quote in particular:

"God has given us the capacity to exercise faith, that we may find peace, joy, and purpose in life. However, to employ its power, faith must be founded on something. There is no more solid foundation than faith in the love Heavenly Father has for you, faith in His plan of happiness, and faith in the capacity and willingness of Jesus Christ to fulfill all of His promises.

No matter what occurs, no matter how topsy-turvy the world becomes, you can always have the sustaining power of faith. That will never change. The perfect love of your Father in Heaven will never change. His gospel plan gives life meaning and can assure your happiness. His plan is not only to prove yourself here on earth but also that you may receive the growth that comes from correct decisions prompted by faith, enabled by your obedience."

Well, that is all for now. I will keep this updated as soon as I have more information. Thank you for all of your prayers. I know they are helping me and keeping me at peace. I love you all.

Children's Hopsital

Yesterday Bryan & I were able to meet with several specialists at the Children's Hospital Colorado. We met with the "CDH team"- two neonatologists, the cardiologist and the OB/GYN. They have just recruited one of the top pediatric surgeons in the country & he will be starting this month. Apparently he studied under the "founder" of pediatric surgery. (So he's kind of a big deal). =) The team was amazing and seemed so organized and prepared for us.

After our meeting we were given the tour of the NICU in both the Children's Hospital and the University of Colorado hospital. The Children's Hospital is currently working on getting the mothers to have their high risk babies at the hospital and it may be ready by the time I am due. If it is not ready, I will deliver at University of Colorado Hospital (which is right across the street). Then, they will take the baby and stabilize her in the University hospital NICU then get ready to transport her over to Children's. Apparently there will be 10-15 people in the delivery room (about 4 for me and the rest for Ellery). Bryan will then go with Ellery everywhere she goes. The OB/GYN told me he'll discharge me from the hospital that night if I'm ready. So then I can go be with Ellery too.

What is also neat about Children's is their NICU- once Ellery stabilizes and starts to improve, they have private rooms with a pull out bed for parents to room in with their babies.

Ellery (depending on how well she does & how she responds to therapy) will be in the NICU anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. So, it will be a tough road. I'm not going to be able to hold her for who knows how long. But, all that really does not matter- as long as she is okay, I will be okay. I am just so grateful to have found Children's Hospital. I love the fact that they have done this before many times & seem to have it all down to a science. I feel like coming to Children's was such an answer to prayer.